


Thorns ; Tokomaru

by tokifukawa



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa Another Episode: Ultra Despair Girls
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Despair (Dangan Ronpa), Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Diary/Journal, F/F, Hanahaki Disease, How Do I Tag, Sad, cause I’m EVIL, fuck byakubitch 😸, i’m unoriginal it’s okay, tokomaru rights
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-01
Updated: 2020-07-01
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:08:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24938812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tokifukawa/pseuds/tokifukawa
Summary: blood and flowers isn't a very pleasant taste.はなはき。(possible tw  for blood, emetophobia, angst!)
Relationships: Fukawa Touko/Naegi Komaru, Tokomaru - Relationship
Comments: 14
Kudos: 86





	1. week one ;

**Author's Note:**

> i’m really interested in the idea of komaru having hanahaki and i’ve wanted to do it for a while so here we are. not trying to copy anyone who has already done so, so sorry if you have. anyways, i hope you enjoy! :)

~~~~~~

_Dear diary,_

_First of all, I can't believe I'm actually keeping a diary. Everyone calls me childish and stuff, and I always deny it, but then I turn around and do this._

_Whatever! Maybe I am just a tinnnnyyy bit childish. Aren't we all?_

_Anyways, on to the point!_

_So earlier today I was just minding my own business reading some manga, and Toko starts going off about Byakuya and how perfect he is and yadda yadda. As her best_ _friend I should be happy for her, right?_

_Absolutely not. I HATE him!!! She knows that, so why does she feel the need to always talk about him around me??_

_Well whatever, anyways, I started getting really- bothered I guess, so I got up and went to the bathroom. I don't know what got into me but I just didn't wanna hear it anymore._

_I think I know deep down what got into me... but I don't wanna talk about that. So what if I have a tiny crush on her? It's harmless. It's not like I'm gonna tell her, so it's no big deal._

_Anywho, I locked myself in the bathroom, and then guess what? I coughed up a fucking flower petal._

_A flower petal!! What am I, mother nature?? I probably accidentally swallowed one or something, but it was so weird. I've definitely been reading too much manga._

_Well, whatevs! I dunno what else to write, just thought that was interesting._

_Night Diary! (This is still weird.)_

_Love, Komaru!_

_𝚃𝚞𝚎𝚜𝚍𝚊𝚢 𝙹𝚞𝚕𝚢 𝟽𝚝𝚑, 𝟸𝟶𝟸𝟶, 𝟸:𝟷𝟸 𝚙𝚖._

_You'll never believe what's happening. Remember how I told you I randomly coughed up a petal last week? Well, it started happening more since then, so I decided to go to the doctors today._

_When I got there, I told them all my symptoms and they looked at me like I was crazy. Apparently, I have Hanahaki._

_I was so confused. I mean, I thought Hanahaki was just a made-up disease in shoujo manga? Turns out it's more than that._

_I love Toko. I love Toko and she doesn't love me back, so now I'm dying. (Literally)_

_They said I had a month to live, at the most. That's if... I don't get the surgery._

_There's a cure, which is a surgery that can successfully remove the flower before it fully blooms, killing you, but doing so also removes your feelings for the person you love._

_There's another way to get rid of it. You can confess, and if they accept your confession it goes away. If they reject you, well, you die._

_Both options suck. I don't want to lose my feelings for Toko! She may not like me back, but the feeling I get around her is like no other. I don't just want to give that up..._

_I could also never get her to like me back. All she talks about its Byakuya. It's "Oooh, Byakuya this, " and "Look how lovely Master is!"_

_I'm her best friend, but she doesn't see me. She doesn't understand how I feel, and she probably never will._

_So basically, either I confess, get rejected and die, confess and she accepts (which will literally never happen, ) or get the procedure but lose my feelings. Those are my options._

_If living means losing the thing I love most... I'm not sure I'd even want to._

_By the way, I haven't told anyone yet. Not even Makoto. He busy with his school work and stuff. Toko, well, I'm too scared to tell her. She'll immediately ask questions that I won't know how to answer. And plus, she's more concerned with Byakuya right now. She probably wouldn't even listen to me if I tried to tell her._

_I'll just keep it to myself for now. No one has to know... yet. I'll be fine! I'll keep smiling like I always do!!_

_Whatever, I don't wanna think about that right now. I still have a month left, so I should try and make the most of it, right?_

_Well, its almost dinner time, so I'll be going now diary. Sorry for ranting, haha. Take care of yourself!_

_(What am I saying, you're a book?)_

_Anyways, bye! I'll update you soon._

_Love, Komaru!_

𝚆𝚎𝚍𝚗𝚎𝚜𝚍𝚊𝚢 𝙹𝚞𝚕𝚢 𝟾𝚝𝚑, 𝟸𝟶𝟸𝟶, 𝟺:𝟸𝟸 𝚙𝚖.

_Dear Diary,_

_Ugh, it's so hot! That's summer for ya._

_How are you? I know you can't answer, but hey! It's the thought that counts._

_I'm doing alright actually! Tryin to stay positive, you know? If I start being sad then it'll just make it worse._

_I had a pretty average day. I went to school, hung out with some friends, saw Toko. The usual I guess. She didn't seem too excited to see me today though... I guess she was just having a bad day! It's Monday after all, no one's actually having a good day._

_I don't have anything else to write for right now, so bye Diary! Thanks for listening ^^_

_Love, Komaru!_

𝙵𝚛𝚒𝚍𝚊𝚢 𝙹𝚞𝚕𝚢 𝟷0𝚝𝚑, 𝟸𝟶𝟸𝟶, 𝟺:𝟶𝟶 𝚙𝚖 

_Dear Diary,_

_Heya! How's your day? Sorry I haven't written in two days. I've been busy._

_Well, let me catch you up!_

_First of all, I've been studying a lot!! Weird of me, right?_

_I dunno why I'm even bothering, I mean, I'll be gone soon. But hey, nothing wrong with a_ _little studyin right? It's been distracting me, so that's good._

_Oh yeah. The pains gotten a little worse. I didn't think that would happen so fast._

_It's fine though! I'm "a trooper," as Makoto says._

_Speaking of Makoto, I still haven't told him. I'm just... scared. What if he doesn't believe me? I don't know if I'd believe me._

_I mean, Hanahaki, really? Of course I had to get the most unbelievably fake sounding disease on the planet._

_What if I tell him and he just laughs? I don't think he will, he's a good big brother, the best actually, but you never know._

_Well, whatever! I'll pass that bridge when it comes to it! (Is that how the saying goes?)_

_I'm gonna go study now! Bet you've never heard me say that before lololol._

_Bye!_

_Love, Komaru._

Saturday 𝙹𝚞𝚕𝚢 𝟷1𝚝𝚑, 𝟸𝟶𝟸𝟶, 𝟷:𝟻𝟾 𝚙𝚖.

_Dear Diary,_

_I haven't talked to Toko much these past few days. Honestly, I've been trying to avoid her. My emotions are uncomfortable around her, and I'm scared I'll accidentally blurt something out that I shouldn't._

_I can't confess. She likes Byakuya, not me. I'm starting to understand why._

_Can I tell you a secret?_

_I'm scared. Really scared. I don't want t_ o die. _I haven't done anything crazy yet, done anything special._

_Sometimes when I'm falling asleep at night, I wonder; why me?_

_Why did I have to fall in love with my straight best friend who's crazy in love with the worst person to ever exist?_

_Why do I have to suffer for liking her? Why can't she just love me back?_

_But that's now how life works. You don't get everything you want. I've started to really understand that these past few days._

_I've been more tired lately. My schedule basically is sleep, cough up petals, fake a smile, repeat. It's exhausting, to say the least._

_Well, it's fine! I just have to accept it. It's scary, but it's definite._

_(That sounds like something Toko would say. Maybe not, perhaps I’m just thinking about her too much.)_

_Well anyway, I'm gonna sleep. Thanks for being here, diary._

_Sincerely, Komaru._

𝚂𝚞𝚗𝚍𝚊𝚢 𝙹𝚞𝚕𝚢 𝟷𝟸𝚝𝚑, 𝟸𝟶𝟸𝟶, 𝟾:𝟻𝟼 𝚙𝚖

_GOD, I hate this. I hate his stupid ugly face. I hate the way he treats her. I hate the way she lets him. I hate the way that she won't look my way no matter how hard I try. I hate everything. I hope this stupid flower growing in my heart or whatever would hurry up. I'm getting impatient._

~~~~~

It hurt. Everything hurt. Her lungs, her heart, her throat. Seeing her with him hurt. Her and Toko fighting hurt. Just all of it.

Komaru was trying to be as positive as possible, but it was hard when there was nothing to be positive about. This week had just been one disaster after disaster.

First, she contracted some bullshit shoujo-manga disease for loving her best friend. As if that wasn't enough, the universe decided to throw even more at her. Now her and Toko were fighting. Over Byakuya Togami of all people.

And it's not what you think. Komaru had absolutely no interest in him, at all. She hated him, and she hated how he treated Toko. He was an asshole to say the least, but Toko seemed to be under some spell. Komaru had tried to tell how over and over about how he's horrible, and that she should stop letting him walk all over her, but of course she defended him. She defended him, and got mad at Komaru for talking about her precious Byakuya in that way.

Maybe it were for the best. If they were fighting, she didn't have to face her, which meant less risk of her accidentally spilling, or falling more. Right?

Wrong.

Komaru was going crazy without the girl, and it had been four hours. Four hours, and she was already missing her. What was wrong with her?

Well, besides being in love with her straight best friend, a lot actually.

She was selfish, rude, quite an average person, in looks and personality, and now she was gonna die all alone. No friends, since Toko seemed to be her only one, no one even knew the things she was currently going through. Would they even care?

Probably not, she told herself. That's why no one would know, not until she was in her death bed.

Of course, she didn't regret her decision to just- let herself go. She still loved Toko, despite them being in the middle of a huge fight. Nothing could make her give that up, even if it meant living.

Confession was most definitely out of the question right now. Even if they were on good terms, she wouldn't accept. Komaru had to keep reminding herself that.

It seemed like everything was going wrong right now. Her last fragment of hope was destroyed four hours ago, so what was she to do now?

She could just- end it all. She ultimately decided against that, as it would just cause her family unnecessary pain. She also had to admit she was being rather dramatic to immediately even consider that idea.

She could bake. Random as it might seem, it might help calm her down. Something about baking just eased her- especially since she used to do it so much with her mother when she was younger. She decided against that too though, as it was getting late and Makoto was probably sleeping.

She could sleep it off? Sleeping always cleared a murky mind. Then when she woke up tomorrow she could be ready to tackle whatever was thrown at her.

Yeah, that sounded good.

Komaru sighed, stuffing her beaten up diary into her nightstand drawer. It was a present from her mother years ago, and she had only began to use it now.

She quickly changed into a comfortable pair of pajamas and the laid down on her bed. Her eyes wondered up to the ceiling, tracing every dot and bump and spot she saw. The girl tended to pay more attention to useless things when her mind was scattered.

The air was cold, colder than usual. Strange as it was Summer. Komaru closed her eyes, the blackness of the dark room enveloping her as she fell into a dreamless sleep.

She didn't sleep too well that night


	2. week two ;

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think i fixed the formatting sorry about the last chapter,,, also this was kinda rushed and i didn’t do too much drastic editing so it might be bad, but whatever. i hope you enjoy ^^

𝙼𝚘𝚗𝚍𝚊𝚢 𝙹𝚞𝚕𝚢 𝟷𝟹𝚝𝚑, 𝟸𝟶𝟸𝟶, 8:𝟶𝟸 am

Hey Diary,

_Sorry for that last entry. I was just having a bad day. Toko and I had a fight. Over Byakuya of course._

_I keep telling her that he's not good for her. She won't listen. But whatever. If she wants to willingly get hurt, it's none of my business._

_Anyway, I shouldn't sulk. Positivity is key, right? How's your day Diary? Is it fun being a bunch of paper?_

_Makoto wants to take me to a festival. There's one on the 17th. I dunno if I'm gonna be up to bit._

_I was supposed to go to that one with Toko... but we're not really talking right now. I didn't even go to HPA to see her after school today_.

I _should probably let it go, right? But I can't. I just hate him so much. I don't get how she likes him._

_I guess I just have extra resentment towards him. After all, he kinda caused me to get this disease. Ha._

_It's fine. I promise I'll be happier when I write tomorrow. Bye now._

_Sincerely, Komaru._

𝚆𝚎𝚍𝚗𝚎𝚜𝚍𝚊𝚢 𝙹𝚞𝚕𝚢 𝟷𝟻𝚝𝚑, 𝟸𝟶𝟸𝟶, 𝟸:𝟷𝟿 𝚙𝚖

_Heya Diary,_

_Hi! I'm feeling much better today. Sorry being such a Negative Nancy the last few entries!_

_I skipped school today! I just didn't feel like going. All I did today was study and sleep lol._

_I decided I'm gonna go to the festival! It'll be fun, and it'll take my mind off the constant pain. Hopefully Toko and I have made up by then, cause I still really wanna go with her._

_I tried apologizing yesterday, but she ignored me. I get it. I'd probably be mad too if my best friend insulted the person I loved. It's okay! She just needs some time to cool off. Maybe I should get her a present? That sounds like a good idea!_

_As for the, you know, it's hasn't really gotten much worse. It's definitely not getting better though. I'm still coughing up petals, and a lot of blood too. It's making me dizzy._

_Moving on, I hung out with Aoi yesterday. Aoi is one of Makoto's classmates, and she's really cool! I used to hang out with her brother, but_ _we haven't had time for a while._

_School should be out for Hope's Peak soon, so maybe I should try and apologize to Toko today? I hope she's still not mad at me. Maybe I should get her like, a book, or something? I dunno, I'll figure it out!_

_Thanks for listening._

_Komaru._

Friday 𝙹𝚞𝚕𝚢 𝟷7𝚝𝚑, 𝟸𝟶𝟸𝟶 𝟺:𝟹𝟸 𝚊𝚖

Hey Diary,

_I'm in a lot of pain right now. As you can see, it's 4 am. My body decided to wake me up with a pool of blood and flowers flowing from my mouth. Fun._

_I feel good. My whole body is sore, I'm dizzy from who knows what, I'm tired. It's whatever though. I'm sure people are going through much worse than what I am._

_I'm gonna power through it and go to the festival later. I can't just not go. Makoto was so excited when I told him I would come with him. Plus, I think he's bringing a couple of his classmates. It'll be fun, and I'll have a great time. Hopefully the Hanahaki can keep itself in check for a couple hours._

_As for the Toko thing, I chickened out. I know, I'm lame. I was just too scared, you know? I really hope she goes to to the festival. Knowing Toko, she most likely wouldn't go to an event like that alone, but I'm hoping she will so I can formally apologize. I even wrote a note and everything, in case I freeze up or something._

_It's crazy how whipped I am over her, right? I mean, we're not even talking right now, and all I can think about is her. And to think all I get in return are some flower petals._

W _ell, It's fine. I should probably try to get some rest and go back to sleep. I should be properly rested or whatever for later._

_Thanks for keeping me company right now. It helped distract from the pain._

_Sincerely, Komaru_.

~~~~~

Komaru took one last look in the mirror before deciding her outfit was perfect. She smiled, content with the Yukata she had picked out. It was a deep green color with intricate floral designs.

"Today is going to be a great day," she kept reminding herself. She didn't know if she totally believed it, but putting it into the universe would surely help, right?

After she adding the finishing touches to her outfit, she was completely satisfied with her outfit. She added some ribbon around her bun for extra luck, and then headed downstairs to meet her brother.

"I'm done!" She exclaimed, skipping down the steps with a wide grin on her face.

Makoto smiled at up at his little sister from the bottom of the steps, as he had finished getting ready first.

"Took you long enough," He joked, to which Komaru just pouted at, "Let's get going, yeah?"

"Let's go!" The younger sibling replied, following her brother out of the house.

The festival was being held only a couple blocks away, so they decided to walk. The air outside was chilly, hopefully they wouldn't catch colds.

As they approached the festival area, their senses were overwhelmed. Everywhere you could look there were beautiful decorations, colorful lights, tons of people laughing and smiling.

"It's beautiful." Komaru marveled, taking in the beautiful scenery. She had been to many festivals and celebrations before, but none were quite as extravagant as this.

Her brother chuckled, "It is, isn't it? Thanks for coming with me, by the way."

"Of course! I think some sibling bonding time was well needed!" She giggled.

In reality, she already wanted to go home. Her stomach hurt and the cold air was irritating her throat further, but she ignored it. Tonight wasn't about her. It was about making her brother happy, and spending time with him. That was the most important thing right now.

She gazed around once more, making sure not to miss a spot. It really was beautiful. Well, besides all the flowers everywhere. There were tons— every shape and size and kind and color you could think of. She thought that was ironic.

Other than the painful reminder of her current state, everything was very well decorated and planned out. Beautiful banners and decorations created by the community hung everywhere, displaying their towns creativity and compassion.

It was a lot to take in, but it surely was a sight to see.

Makoto snapped her out of her train of thought, lightly tapping her shoulder.

"Hey, how bout we go over to the food stalls and get something to eat?"

"Mkay, sure!" Komaru smiled, already skipping ahead to find the stalls. The first thing she noticed was how many there were. Practically any food you could think of was available. Her face lit up in excitement.

Makoto trailed behind her, concern visible on his face. She laughed in response, going up to a stand that was serving Yakisoba. Makoto looked around, trying to decide what sounded good. Having so many options was overwhelming.

After a minute or two of conflict, he just decided to have Yakisoba as well. It was just more convenient, and safe probably for them to stay together. Makoto walked over to where his sister stood in line, apologizing to people he bumped into on the way with a sheepish smile and a bow.

"Hey little bro."

"Don't call me that."

"Hehe, I'm just teasing ya!"

"Yeah yeah, hurry up and order." Makoto pointed towards the stand, where the worker was waiting to take her order.

After both siblings got and enjoyed their food, they decided to find a spot to watch the fireworks. Fireworks were one of the main attractions of this festival, so you had to get a good spot extra early if you wanted to see them clearly.

The two sat on a towel on the grass, Makoto texting someone on his phone and Komaru staring anticipatingly up at the sky. There was a cool, calming breeze in the air, which felt nice after wearing stuffy Yukatas all night long.

Komaru sighed, staring up at the stars. They were beautiful. She wondered if Toko were looking up at the same ones. And then— a petal.

Komaru cuffed her hand around her mouth as she violently coughed, another petal falling out each time. "Shit."

"You okay Komaru?" Makoto asked, his eyebrows raised. He brought his hand up to her back, gently patting it.

Komaru laughed, using the sleeve of her Yukata to wipe her mouth.

"Um, yeah! No problem here! I'm just gonna to the bathroom, okay? Be right back!"

Komaru forced a smile, her hand clutching the petals as she stood up and dashed towards the restrooms.

After finding one that was empty, she locked herself in a stall. She could feel more petals and thorns dying to escape her throat. Her eyes brimmed with tears as she leaned over the toilet, hacking up the disgusting flowers and blood.

The sensation was terrible. Every cough felt like a million tiny needles poking her throat and lungs. The disgusting metallic taste of blood was left in her mouth. Not to mention the toilet. It looked like someone had just murdered a flower bed.

She sighed and flushed it before walking out of the stall and over to the sink. She wet a paper towel, using it to wipe off her mouth.

She just sat there for a moment, staring at her reflection. She looked terrible.

Her once perfect bun was now messy and disheveled, and her Yukata was all wrinkled and dirty from sitting on the bathroom floor. All the color was drained from her usually rosy face, and she was dizzy. What else could possibly go wrong?

Well, maybe the person she had been dying to see most would walk through the door, right when she looked like hell.

"Komaru?" The brown haired girl heard as the bathroom door creaked open. She already knew who that voice belonged to.

"Toko." She breathed, her eyes threatening to fill with tears.

Toko stepped closer, closing the bathroom door behind her. "A-Are you okay? You look pretty pale."

Komaru couldn't hold it in any longer. The tears spilled from her eyes as she began to sob. She ran towards Toko, trapping her in a tight hug.

"Toko! I'm so sorry! I didn't mean those things! This is killing me." Komaru cried. Toko tensed as she felt the other girls arms around her, causing Komaru to

pull back. She had forgotten that her friend didn't like physical contact.

"Haha, sorry." The girl sniffled. She wiped the tears from her eyes, walking back over to the sink to lean against it.

"Don't be sorry. I should be the o-one apologizing. I shouldn't have been so r-rude about it."

Another sniffle. "But it's my fault that we're fighting! I really shouldn't have said those things. Please forgive me."

Toko sighed, walking towards where Komaru stood. "Don't m-make me hug you. I'm over it, okay? It was dumb of me to get mad at you over a b-boy."

Komaru gently smiled, nudging Toko's shoulder. "Yeah, I guess. Thank you, Toki."

The two sat in an awkward silence for a while, just listening to the buzzing of the old bathroom's lights and each others breathing.

"Oh, by the way, what made you come? I know you don't really like stuff like this?" Komaru asked, breaking the silence. She turned her head towards her friend, who was biting on one of her nails.

"Well, I don't know. I thought M-Master would be here, but I don't think he s-showed up."

She was crazy to think even for a minute that Toko had remembered they said they would come here together. Crazy to think Toko would even want to come with her. Of course it was Byakuya. Everything was about Byakuya.

"Oh," She spoke, "Cool."

"Yeah."

Silence again. It was almost sickening.

Komaru cleared her throat, pushing herself away from where her best friend was standing, "Well, I should get back to Makoto. Don't wanna keep him waiting for too long!"

Toko nodded, pushing her glasses further up on her nose. "Okay. Have fun."

"Thanks Toki, you too!" Komaru giggled. She waved at the girl one more time before rushing out of the bathroom. She had to fight to keep even more tears from falling. It seemed like all she did tonight was cry.

The rest of the festival was spent by the two siblings watching the fireworks and Makoto shopping for painfully too long. The night seemed to go

on for an eternity, but finally they eventually got home. As soon as they stepped into the front door, Komaru ran off and locked herself in her room.

~~~~~

𝙵𝚛𝚒𝚍𝚊𝚢 𝙹𝚞𝚕𝚢 𝟷𝟽𝚝𝚑, 𝟸𝟶𝟸𝟶, 𝟿:𝟺𝟹 𝚙𝚖

Dear Diary,

Hey. We just got back from the festival. It was going good for a while. We got some food, walked around, did some shopping. It was fun honestly, for a while.

You can probably guess what happened. Well first of all, I started practically hacking up petals right next to Makoto, so I had to run and find an unoccupied bathroom to throw up in. Then, guess who walks in after I've just coughed up an entire lung? Toko.

Of COURSE. The universe seems really against me lately. Anyway, we talked for a minute, I apologized, she somewhat apologized, I think we're good now.

I asked her why she came. It was for Byakuya, of course. Why wouldn't it be. Of course I didn't say anything, I didn't wanna start another fight. It's just— how does she not realize he wants nothing to do with her? Why is she constantly chasing him. I'm right here. But that's too easy, isn't it?

Ugh.

I'm tired. I feel a little dizzy, guess I lost a little more blood than I thought. I needa take a long, hot shower. Maybe it'll get my mind off of today.

I think I'll go do that. Bye. 

Sincerely, Komaru.

𝚂𝚊𝚝𝚞𝚛𝚍𝚊𝚢 𝙹𝚞𝚕𝚢 𝟷𝟾𝚝𝚑, 𝟸𝟶𝟸𝟶, 𝟷𝟸:𝟶𝟶 𝚙𝚖.

Hi Diary,

Goodmornin! Or, well, afternoon I guess. I just woke up! Guess who I got a text from earlier this morning?? Can you guess?? Well, I'll tell ya! Toko!

I was honestly really suprised. She basically just apologized again (in her own way of course) and demanded that she was coming over later. That's Toko for ya.

I'm so glad that we made up. I don't care right now if she likes me, I don't care if she likes Byakuya, I don't care that I'm gonna die soon, I just care that I have my best friend back. That's all that matters.

Eek, I'm so excited! We haven't hung out in like, 5 days, which is way too long! I'm gonna make sure to annoy her to death, tehe.

I'm gonna go get ready! Update ya later!

Sincerely, Komaru

~~~~

Komaru uncontrollably giggled as she sat up from her bed. Today was going to be so fun.

The past week or so had been hell, but it felt like it was staring to look up. For now.


End file.
